SHere is the best of The Star Furry, our column about Babylon 5 (1995-1996 time frame). Most of it is light humor. There’s a non-humor piece on watching episodes by "thread" at the bottom.
NOTE: if you are not a Babylon 5 fan, you will be utterly bored reading the stuff below.
Alternate History
As a service to those of us who were upset when Commander Sinclair was replaced, we have provided this Alternate History: changes to Season 2 episode plots had Commander Sinclair not left:
"Points of Departure": Upon being captured, Calain and Sinclair have a chat, reminiscing fondly about the Battle of the Line. Through Lennier, Sinclair arranges for his renegade Minbari vessel The Trigati to return home and for amnesty for the crew. Upon hearing that their collective arse was saved by a lowly human, the crew of the Trigati blows it up in shame. Calain remains on Babylon 5, opening a small tailor shop in Down-Below.
"Revelations": No sister. More time for cool stuff. Enough said.
"The Coming of Shadows": The Narn/Centauri War would have started the same way — that was out of any human’s control. However, the "These are my Rangers" speech would have been given by ...
... Tech 1! The gorgeous techie with the European accent who also vanished without a trace at the end of season 1 ("These are my Rangers. Some are Minbari. Most are human men ...")
"There All the Honor Lies": Sinclair does not shoot the Minbari—he beats him up instead. The Minbari quickly apologizes. The rest of the episode follows the teddy bear through its million-year journey through space, yielding all sorts of cool hints of things to come! B plot: Kosh shows Sinclair the "moment of perfect beauty" Sinclair says "That’s nice, but I heard Gregorian Chants every day while studying with the Jesuits." Kosh ambles off, muttering something in his own language.
"In the Shadow of Z’ha’Dum": Ivanova is the one who goes berserk and locks away Morden, after she mistakes one of his Shadows’ chirping for a lewd whistle. ("If you didn’t whistle at me, then WHO DID?" "Err ..." "I thought so. You’re gonna ROT!")
"These are uncivilized times" – Lord Refa, "The Long, Twilight Struggle"
Partial list of havoc wreaked on the Station (As of "Convictions" (Season 3, episode 2)
Bomb explodes internally in 5 episodes
Threatened by Warships (but not shot at) in 4 episodes
Shot at deliberately by enemy vessels in 3 episodes
Lost maintbots in 3 episodes
Caught in a crossfire (twice) in 1 episode.
Episodes We’ll Never Get to See (Go ahead JMS, make our day!)
"Deep Pockets" – A Pak’ma’ra captain whose amall vessel was looting Marcab when Sheridan blew up the jumpgate files a lawsuit against the Rangers for millions of credits after two agonizing years of sublight travel.
"Infestation" – Before departing Bablyon 5, N’Grath (The insectoid crime boss of Season 1) laid a MASSIVE quantity of eggs. The eggs hatch, and the grubs demand "protection" money or they’ll chew the insulation off of all of the station’s wiring.
"The Morning After" – The Lumati Ambassador returns to Babylon 5, seeking to have sex with Ivanova "his way." In another bridge between Bablyon 5 and Star Trek, the Lumati ambassador is now played by William Shatner.
What if ...
What if Sinclair, just to do a little experiment in time mechanics, told the Minbari Warriors at the end of "War Without End, part II," "I welcome you and offer you this place as a gift. I am called Dilbert, and we have much work ahead of us."
Would the present mutate into a universe where the Minbari all say "In Dilbert’s name!"
Marcus would’ve done it.
Babylon 5 Turkey Awards, Parts I and II
The Fire that Engineer! Award:
To whoever aimed the jump gate directly at Babylon 5 for out-of-control ships to smash into. (Soul Hunter)
The How-the-heck-did-they-make-it-into-space? Award:
To the Drazi, for clubbing and sometimes killing each other wholesale one year in five. (Geometry of Shadows)
The Dumbest Prank Award:
To Michael Garibaldi, for pretending to transform when Lyta sent himt he password. In at least a third of alternate universes we get to see Michael’s head shot off right as he says "Boo!" (Divided Loyalties)
The Err ... That’s not what I meant Award:
To Delenn. As the Earth Warship Agamemnon and a cloud of Star Furies swoop down on the Streib shop, Delenn in her Minbari Flyer orders the the Streib ship to "Release your prisoners immediately." So it did (into space. Nothing was docked to it.) And some reward it gets for compliance: Earthforce blows it up! (All Alone in the night)
The Spineless Coward Award:
To Major Ryan, who twice offers to get himself and his ship out of harm’s way before the angry Earth ships arrive, and finally flees just after the big battle. The greatest part was how he cleverly disguised his yellow-belliedness by phrasing it as "offering to draw their fire away from Babylon 5." (Severed Dreams)
The YOU JUST DOOMED THE ENTIRE GALAXY YOU IDIOT Award:
To Captain Sheridan, for giving the Berserker Probe the last answer to its question to blow it up, rather than just shooting it. A probe like this would surely send a transmission back home before exploding, yes? (A Day in the Strife)
The Pants Around Your Ankles Award:
To the Shadows, for not having a single Battlecrab, or even one lousy fighter, patrolling their homeworld when the White Star was there. (Z’ha’Dum)
The Worthless Cannon Fodder Award:
To the Brakiri: in the numerous times we’ve seen their ships in battle, not once have we seen one actually fire a weapon.
The Worst Seduction Line Award:
To Julie Musante: "We must all do our part." Ick. I’ve tried it on Debbie 3 times and it hasn’t worked yet! (Voices of Authority)
Batcatch Parties: Viewings by Storyline
(This is not humor but a description of what we did to "catch up" friends who were late getting into the series.)
We held "Batcatch" parties with about a dozen people in total. The first one was just before "Walkabout," the first of the final 5 season 3 episodes. It was designed to bring new viewers up to speed. Since then, rather than watch the episodes in chronological order, we have had showings which featured a specific storyline. The specific showings, and our observations, are below:
Babcatch #1. The Night Watch:
In the Shadow of Z’ha’Dum
The Fall of Night
Voices of Authority
Messages from Earth
Point of No Return
Severed Dreams
At the time, Babcatch 1 was meant to get folks up to speed for new episodes, so two more episodes were shown: "And Now For A Word" is probably the best intro-to-Babylon 5 episode out there, and was shown first. "Interludes and Examinations" was shown last in order to get folks up to speed for new episodes.
Babcatch #2. Valen:
Soul Hunter
And the Sky Full of Stars
Chrysalis
Two episode fragments: Lennier revealing the soul connection in "Points of Departure," and Sinclair’s message in "The Coming of Shadows."
War Without End, Part I
War Without End, Part II
Batcatch #3. Psicorps, Bester, and the Incredible True Story of Two Telepaths in Love:
Espsode fragment: The dialogue between Talia and Ivanova at the end of "Midnight on the Firing Line"
A Race Through Dark Places
Divided Loyalties
Dust to Dust
Ship of Tears
It was fun to watch the Bester episodes in a sequence, as the crew hates him more and more each time. Today we would show other, later stand-alone Bester episodes as well.
Babcatch #4: The Narn/Centauri War
Midnight on the Firing Line
Signs and Portents
The Coming of Shadows
Acts of Sacrifice
And Now for a Word
The Long, Twilight Struggle
Episode fragment: Vir and G’Kar in the turbolift in "Comes the Inquisitor".
"And Now For a Word" was not shown at the time, as it had been shown previously in Babcatch 1, but it fits better here.
One of the most amazing aspects of these gatherings has been the community that has formed around it. We started as casual acquaintances for the most part. However, especially after the first long Batcatch session, a bonding took place, and many good friendships have emerged.
I don’t know if it was Babylon 5 in particular that caused this cohesion, but I think it might very well have been. Even though Kev and I had seen all of the episodes before, seeing a long string of them following a theme really brought home the complexity of the show, the foreshadowing, the development of the characters. Rather than "burning out," we were stimulated by the show, and thrilled to discuss the show with each other. A lesser show would not have generated that reaction (especially not after 8 hours).
[I was pretty flamed out after 8 hours. – Kevin]
Postscript: Like many fans, we were disappointed in Season 5 (and some later parts of Season 4). But Babylon 5 remains a ground-breaking science fiction show that has influenced many television shows (not just SF shows) through its skillful use of computer special effects and the introduction of long story-arcs in the plot.
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The Block-Schwenk Collective 